C4: There and back again

In around 2015 I had finally finished my power consolidation over GWWC Oxford, effective altruisms’ preeminent student group. I was a rising star in the effective altruism scene, full of both promise and potential, and my ascendancy to the very top of effective altruism was nigh unstoppable.

My ambitions for power were principally motivated by altruism. I thought that EA’s strategic aim of world domination, which one might naively think was in service of the greater good, was actually just a front power seeking. I found this morally repugnant and my conscience forbade me from letting the community I had helped nurture go to ruin. I knew that I must topple the EA establishment.

Despite numerous prediction markets prophesying my overwhelming victory, I knew that an out and out war with the EA establishment could claim many lives (in expectation, given the opportunity cost of our time and energies).

So I reached out to Will MacAskill - EA’s head honcho - to parley. I was hoping to reach an arrangement similar to that which MacAskill had with Ben Todd, when the burgeoning empire had been divided into charities (GWWC) and careers (80,000 Hours).

As a sign of goodwill, I agreed to meet at Lincoln College, the seat of Will’s dwindling influence. Nominally we were to discuss my career plans - we couldn’t talk openly as we couldn’t be sure that Play Pumps International had not bribed the college porters to listen in to the meeting and send a transcription to Amia Srinivasan.

After much discussion Will ultimately suggested that rather than going into academic philosophy after graduation, as he had done, I might have more impact in community building at an organisation like CEA. And thus it was understood that Will would retain control over EA as a philosophy, and I would gain control of EA as a community.

And thus, after graduating, I joined CEA, expecting my accession to be a mere formality. I wrote a memo - ‘Does CEA have a clear strategy?’, and shared it on the organisation Slack, hoping to uncover and dismantle the various nefarious schemes.

However, I had been misled. The reception to my documents was stony, my invitations to the Leader’s Forum mysteriously lost in the mail, whispers of me being an ‘undercover rationalist’ began to spread. I was being frozen out. And when the day came for me to assume full control of CEA, I was offered only the opportunity to launch the Community Building Grants programme, and promises of full control at a later date

CEA knew that I would never be satisfied with this, however, they had a cunning plan. They been trading tips with Play Pumps International, and recruited spies of their own. My erstwhile friend and confidant, 80,000 Hours’ Brandon Major, divulged my two Achilles’ heels (one on each foot), pastries and table tennis.

Thus, CEA first seduced me with a pastry related hat, and then, when my defenses were down they struck. In return for my acquiescence they would repurpose the planned lecture theatre at Trajan House into a table tennis stadium, complete with a rollaway Butterfly Pro table tennis table, as well as ample room for intricate footwork.

It is my deepest shame to admit that I could not resist. I accepted their unacceptable terms, and signed the contract.

It was only afterwards that I read the fine print, and realised that in return for the promised Trajan House table tennis table, I had relinquished my claim as the rightful owner of effective altruism. As the saying goes, beware geeks bearing gifts.

Numbed by my folly I spent the next years in a stupor, often falling asleep in team meetings. I felt lightheaded wearing my cap instead of the weighty crown that belonged there. The sound of table tennis, once music to my ears, was drowned out by the anguished cries of EAs being mercilessly pushed through an engagement funnel.

Disgusted with myself, I left CEA, and effective altruism altogether.

I spent many years in the wilderness, searching my soul and filled with doubt. In my dreams I saw the faces of those I had stepped on to reach my premiership at GWWC Oxford. Had I become the very thing I despised? As my identity as an EA slowly splintered, I gorged on things previously forbidden to me - friendships with non-EAs, solid food and the philosophy of the Ancient Greeks. These were dark days indeed.

One day when perusing Plato’s ‘The Republic’ as a break from more intellectual reading, it dawned on me. Now that I had given up my ambitions for power in effective altruism, I had actually become the perfect candidate to lead it, contract be damned!

Upon realising this, I became reenergised. To my dismay I discovered in my absence that EA had floundered. FTX. FHI up in flames. People ashamed to call themselves EAs.

EA needed me.

I began to slowly rebuild my prestige and influence at the EA Infrastructure Fund so I could more effectively serve my beloved community, and launched a fundraising initiative - the Epicentre of Effective Altruism. However, my enemies did not lie dormant. Afraid of my growing popularity with the people, CEA struck once again, and embarked on a hostile takeover of EA Funds.

It is thus that I come to you, people of EA. My people. The time for me to reclaim my seat as Defender of the Principles, Servant of the Greater Good, and Rightful Steward of Effective Altruism is nigh upon us!